Wednesday, 27 November 2013
(I'm waking up/I feel it in my bones/Enough to make my systems blow/Welcome to the New Age/To the New Age[...]Oooh-oh/Oooh-oh/I'm radioactive... -Imagine Dragons)
Okay, so not much of a buildup, I know. But... *drum roll*... I got into the AmeriCorps!!!! It's kind of like the PeaceCorps, but on a national level. And it's a non-military thing. BUT I GOT IN! I've been waiting for two or three months to hear about whether I got accepted or not. And they've been sending me emails like mad about checking my app online. Which I finally did today. YEAH BUDDY!!!!! I'll be living out of state for ten months, doing disaster relief efforts and all that good stuff, helping people out. But that's what I do - I help people. And I'm excited.
I'm so weird. But that's okay. Because I don't care what people think.
My mom and dad are happy of me. For once.
So, anyways. I'm spending the next few days at mum and dad's house. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and there's a party on Saturday. So, I'll be here until Sunday at least. And I need to look for a job on Friday and Saturday, something chronic. So that I can save money to leave. YAY! I'm so damn excited.
Anyways. I made eight dozen cookies for tomorrow. There's my contribution. On top of cleaning up. I have to finish cleaning tomorrow morning, but it's mostly leg work. Stuff that I don't mind doing. I did most of the hard stuff tonight, I just have to through the table cloth in the wash in the morning, finish the dishes that need hand-washed, and scrub down the counters and sink. And sweep the front bathroom and clean my mum's bathroom.
Like I said, easy enough, but completely time consuming....
I'm starting to fall asleep... Barely... And Skyping my girlfriend. And in desperate need of a cigarette. I think I'm going to sign off here soon and smoke and cover the cookies and go to bed.
So, anyways, a few days ago, a friend of mine on facebook posted this note that got me off my rocker. He posted a note about homosexuality and how it's a sin and all that. I'm like, REALLY? I'm attracted to men and women. I don't say that a man being attracted to just women is wrong or a woman just attracted to men wrong. So why do people think that homosexuality and bisexuality are wrong or go against nature? It's not a CHOICE, it's SCIENCE! It's the way that one's brain is wired. I can't change it. Whatever, I'm just going to shut up about it. It's going to make me even more pissed off than I was to begin with.
So, I guess I'm gonna sign off here.
Y'all have a good night. All of my US friends, have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving. Be smart.
And to the rest of ya.. have a great rest of the week and great weekend (if I don't post by then).
Stay classy, imaginative and amazing.
Monday, 11 November 2013
(Just remember we never said goodbye. So, I wrote you a note, left it in the pocket of your coat, reminding you that I'm still missing you. -Garou)
But... The only thing that is bad about this is that my girlfriend is sad and upset and kind of mad at me about this. She's been crying all day because of it. We already live 1800 miles away from each other. When I move, it'll put a greater strain on our relationship, because I'm moving home. Further away than what we already are. She's moving to Denver, Colorado in February, though. Which will put an even BIGGER distance between us. It's killing me that I can't do anything about it. I mean, she's happy that I'm going back home and doing what's right for me. But is it right for US? I'll be home for a couple years, it's not going to be easy. I seriously don't want to lose her over this. I really don't. I want to be with her, I want to be where she is so that I can comfort her and tell her everything is going to be alright.
On one side of the token, it's something that will be good for me. It will do me sooo much good. To be home, to get away from the demons and the shit here.
On the other, it's hurting both my girlfriend AND me. because I'm the one putting a strain on the relationship. I'm the one who's moving away.
I just don't know what to do.
I told my mom what I want to do. She was along the same lines as me. That, because I don't know what I want to do, this will probably help me at least see what the world is like. I mean, I know that my parents will miss me, but it's not like I won't see them or they won't see me ever again. They both also have dual citizenship. And if they really want to see me, they can afford the trip.
It's going to be hard because the only life I know is here in the States. All my friends are here. My job is here. Everything. But that's beside the point. Just thinking about being home in a few months' time has me longing for the city streets. For the cafes there. The people watching. Despite not being a tourist, all the tourist traps, like the Eiffel Tower, Notre-Dame, the catacombs. The animosity I'll have in the big city. Just the fact that I'll be in my hometown again. The longing is powerful.
I have to finish a couple things before bed and it's already just about 2 am. I'm exhausted but this needs done. I'm already trying to get things set in motion so I can go home.
Have a good night all. xxx
Saturday, 9 November 2013
I'm surprised that it's halfway through the second week of November and my mum hasn't asked me what I am doing for Thanksgiving yet. Like, what? Seriously. If she asks the day of if I am coming over, I'll be, "I had no warning."
The dog has flees, poor thing. Her stomach is all red, she's so itchy. I feel so bad for her.
I wrecked my car on Wednesday... It was raining. The people in front of me were stopping for geese and I slammed on my brakes and hydroplaned, slamming into the car in front of me. The front of my car was smashed. It looked like the engine ate the front bumper, the lights were busted, the hood looked like a tent. It was insane. I smashed my knee against the dashboard and bruised my left left arm.it was terrible.
Anyways... Enough about me today. How is everybody today?
Tuesday, 12 March 2013
(I wanna fly like a rocket to the sky. Going up a million miles, and I'm not coming down. Won't stop till I feel the sky at my feet. My dreams on my wings, I'm flying, I'm flying high. ~THE WANTED, ROCKET)
"I'm climbing, I'm rising/I'm striking like lightning/Writing my name is skywriting/For all to see/I'll do something epic/And they won't forget it/Good enough's not good enough for me"
This song by these guys is amazing and awesome. Really and truly. It's inspirational. I feel like when I hear this song, I can do anything. Keep my head up, don't let all the drama mamas or anyone else bring me down. Rising and dreaming, never giving up.
I just love it. It makes me feel ready for anything and everything. It's my protection, my anthem, my prayer. It reminds me to never, ever give up. Which is something I tend to do often enough.
Anyways. I work from 12 to 6.30 today... I'm leaving class here in a few minutes, I just thought to pop in and write again. I'm thankful that I have a 10 hr day today, because that keeps me out of the house for awhile. I'm thinking about... well, I think I'm going to stay home tonight. I've been out every night for the past week, I'm going to stay home and relax for awhile. And tomorrow night, too, because my dad is leaving Thursday. So, I should probably stay home. Since I haven't really spent too much time with the family. Let's see, today is Tuesday. Yeah, I can spend two nights at home, for a change.
I'm so excited, because the Kids' Choice Awards are in 11 days... Well, the UK Kids Choice Awards... Which I will be watching. The US Kids Choice is in 12 days, and I'll be watching that, as well. But I am more stoked for KCAUK because The Wanted is nominated for an award. I think I'll cry if they win it, because they are so good. Well, that's my opinion of them, I don't know what anyone else thinks of them.
I think my next post (which is going to be within in a couple days) will be the lyrics to Rocket by The Wanted. It's just that amazing. Tell me, though, if you disagree. I think this is one of their very best songs, though.
I feel like my relationship with the 'rentals is a little bit better, which is good. Even though they are still stressful. I feel like it will get better with time. Nothing can really get better without time and work. But, who knows? It may be destruction, it may be rebuilt. I just don't know yet. I just hope it'll be at least be bearable.
Okay, I think I am going to sign off. Love y'all.
Monday, 11 March 2013
(Please come now, I think I'm falling. I'm holding to all I think is safe. It seems I found the road to nowhere and I'm trying to escape. I yelled back when I heard thunder. But I'm down to one last breath. ~CREED)
L to R: Jay McGuiness, Max George, Siva Kaneswaran, Nathan Sykes, Tom Parker
Despite the fact that I am a huge fangirl of these amazing lads, part of their fandom (TWFanmily, thank you for asking), I do listen to other music (obviously, otherwise my title would be something by The Wanted.).
I keep switching so I can get a tweet in... which means it's a vote... And I hope that they get the Award, because... well, they deserve it. And they are better than One Direction, at any rate.
That's my thought. Okay... Done fangirling for now.
I haven't moved out yet, but I've been hanging out at Ashley's house every night for the better part of a week. I still sleep at my parents' place, still eat their food, still pay them rent and all. But I don't use their space 24/7. It's so weird, because I'm never there anymore. Between work, school, going to ashley's house and the like... I am hardly ever home anymore. Ever.... I mean, yeah, I spend time there, but at least half my time is spend outside the house. And I kind of need that time away from them. Just my opinion.
It's healthier for me to get away, though, because I need the space and all. Plus, they can't get stressed if I do all my shit and am never home. Between having a social life, going to work and going to school, I usually am only home long enough to eat dinner and do my homework. So, that's that. I really can't do anything outside of that because ... I'm not home to do anything. So, guess what? They can't be mad.
alright, this is short, just like i said, but I'm going....
Monday, 25 February 2013
A few days ago, my mom pretty much called me a lying, stealing, self-serving bitch that really doesn't care about anyone but myself (hence, the self-serving part...). I just laze around all day and eat their food, feeding them bullshit about what I do on a regular basis. Okay, that's not neccessarily what I do. I mean, I work, I go to school, I do my homework. And then they have all these expectations for me and want me to meet them, but think so low of me. It's like.... What a f**king contradicition, man. It's not all about what you want me to do and how you want me to live my life. It's MY life.
So, on Sunday, we had a "discussion" on how they want me to live my life while I lived in their house. They want me to render my paycheck to them every week, keep the room that I live in hotel room perfect and the car I drive showroom spotless. So, I don't have much to live on. They say they are going to spend $600 on me. But I don't see how, when I'm going to pay then $470 a month for shit ($57 goes to paying the loan, which comes out of MY BANK ACCOUNT, assholes!!!!!!!) like having the right to live in the room that they gave me (that they want fucking spotless all the fucking time), like letting me drive a car that they NEVER use (still..... showroom fucking perfect. dude, that's a ten year old car, it's not ever going to be showroom clean again....), and food. They are going to give me $130 dollars as gas and spending money a month... Which, mind you, is only going to go to gas, because gas prices are fucking ridiculous right now. If I put $30 a week for four weeks, that's $120 a month.... Retards, I won't have anything for spending money. Are they STUPID???
I mean, I guess that is more of an incentive for me to keep my shit together. But... That doesn't change the fact that they won't let me keep the money that I work for in order for me to get out of their house. Do they want me to get out of their house or stay here for the rest of my life, forever paying them for room and board (and my whole fucking life????? I don't owe them that... Sorry.)? They won't let me be my own person, they won't let me do what I want and need to do with my own money.
I guess I am not a parent and I don't see their point of view. But I feel like they are also very overbearing in what goes on in my life. They want me to do everything that they want me to do. But I can't do that because I am not them. Why don't they get the fact that I could never be like them? That I'll never, ever have their point of view on everything? That I am not their fucking puppet in this thing we call life? That they do not have the right to control me the way they do?
I dunno, I just wish that someday something will hit them upside the head and make them realize that I am not their carbon copies. I have a different view on everything. I am so sick of the fact that they think that they think that they can fill me to my very soul and think it's okay, that I'll get over it because I will be more like them.
Whatever, "mom" and "dad"...
Rant over. For now. I'm sure I'll be coming back by the end of the week with them all over my case about not being home at all anymore, about why I moved out (huh, that's so hard to figure out), about how I won't ever have any money (shit, I don't know why, maybe because they're STEALING it all from me).
Okay, I'm really done now... On to fangirling...
I'm discovering more music by The Wanted, their beats dropping into my ears. Hopefully, that will make me feel better, because the whole world fucking sucks. But The Wanted's songs make me feel good. If I discovered them earlier, I think I would have been in a better place in mind and soul. Because, to me, their music is just that good... To me.
I found this quote on Twitter the other day and it said "I am a fangirl and I cannot do calm." Frankly, I have to agree. I never do calm (obviously, see above RE:Rant). I feel like I am a little bit calmer when I hear The Wanted, but only because I am such a fangirl. I can think a little clearer when I hear their voices.
Well, I mean... I guess it's just me. Because nobody else in my family likes The Wanted. Well, my dad says he likes their voices, that their voices are powerful. But he isn't a fan to the extent that I am (obviously; he can't fangirl.).
Okay, well, I am going to bed. I am tired. I have to work tomorrow and figure out a game plan on as to getting myself a place to live. I think I can try to work it out with the 'rentals that if they let me save up my paycheck so that I can move out (and pay them $100 for insurance and the phone) by the end of the month or halfway through next month. Which would be a good bargain, I guess.
I will leave y'all with a quote: "Promise me you'll stay the way you are. Keep the fire alive and stay young at heart." ~The Wanted
Lots of love from my neck of the woods of TWFanmily,
|The Wanted: (Left to Right) Siva Kaneswaran, Max George, Tome Parker, Jay McGuiness, Nathan Sykes|
But... There is nothing better than the feeling of being part of something that is bigger than you. Because that's what this is, I am part of something that isn't just with me. It's a whole following. Supporting the band through whatever they're doing, keeping up with what's going on... Being part of a fandom that does exactly what you are doing.
The whole thing with this is that this is the first time I am investing myself in acutally being a fangirl. When I was younger, I used to be a fan of the Backstreet Boys, but it was never to this extent. Granted, I was also 11 or 12, there wasn't Facebook or Twitter or anything. But this is something totally different. I think it'll be hard to outgrow this band. I really hope that they can move forward and keep up with the times, like Maroon 5 or Bon Jovi (which are two more really good bands, but...). I would feel sad if they didn't move forward and they stay in this decade.
But, that is beside the point. I screamed like a girl (well, I am a girl) when The Wanted won Favorite Break-Out Artist at the PCA's (for all 12 of you who don't know what that is, it's the People's Choice Awards)... I've voted for The Wanted about a dozen times on Nickelodeon's Kid's Choice Awards (like everybody in TWFanmily, I presume, despite the fact that I am not a kid). My Facebook cover photo is of the band, and my profile picture is of one of the members, Siva. Such is the life of a fangirl, I guess.
I feel like I am the only one who's gone through this in my family... well, aside from my sister, Helene, who likes Mumford & Sons, but... She'll also listen to other music aside from theirs when she's listening to music on her iPod or computer. My mom doesn't get it. She just thinks I am fricking crazy for fangirling as much as I am. But what can I say?
I am so stoked right now, because The Wanted is making tour dates in the US and the UK. They're supposed to come in the second half of this year, and I can't stop hoping and praying to the Universe that I will be able to go. (Yes, I pray to the Universe. I dont' want to tie myself down to one certain religion, I am more the person who conforms certain beliefs from every religion to myself.) I keep hoping that somehow, I will be able to go, that I will have the means to do so. I also would love it if I had their music.... But right now... I have youtube for that.
Ugh.... Being a fangirl without the means to at least be able to buy myself their music kind of suxx. But... At least I am a huge enough of a fan to be a fangirl and part of TWFanmily. <3 And that's all that matters. We stick up for our band, we vote for them in the award ceremonies we can, we support them through the ones we can't, and no matter what.... We support them, even through their tight spots and lows.....
Well, I have to go, my sister's car has to go in....
Much love to you all <3
Tuesday, 12 February 2013
(We're standing in a light that won't fade. Tomorrow's coming, but this won't change. 'Cause some days stay gold forever. The memory of being here with you is one I'm gonna take my life through, 'cause some days stay gold forever. ~~THE WANTED)
And THEN.... partying next weekend, too, because that's when I have the party planned. Because I am that awesome. :) It's going to be so much fun, because I am going to be 21 and all that good stuff.
So, obviously, I am soo very stoked and excited for my 21st birthday..... I don't think I'll have this much fun (or much of an excuse) after this year. Well, of course, you're only turning 21 once. You have to make the best of it while you can, right? I mean, really. I just hope that it's going to be as fun as I'm imagining in my head. If only.... LOL, if only what goes on in my head for parties actually happen. Well, for certain parties. It would be so much more fun.
Anyways, I'm sick, sore throat, coughing, stuffy nose, headache. It's not fun. I hope that it gets better, I don't want to be sick on my birthday, that wouldn't be so cool.
So, I feel like a doofus, but I'm a total fangirl, it's okay.... I think. But every time I watch a music vid by The Wanted, I totally fangirl. :) It's hilarious, but whatever. LOL
Okay, I'm going to sign off, my head is starting to hurt from the pounding of the keys... er, the noise from the keys when I pound on them.
Have a good one, guys,
Tuesday, 29 January 2013
(don't you wanna go for a ride? just keep your hands inside and make the most out of life. now don't you take it for granted. life is like a mean machine. it made a mess out of me. it left me caught between. like an angry dream, i was stranded. i was stranded. now, i'm steady but i'm starting to shake. and i don't know how much more i can take. ~ROB THOMAS)
so, i get up after my brother gets out of the shower, and i go to wash my hair under the tap in the tub, and my dad says again that i have to leave at seven. i hurry up and finish getting ready for the day, and go downstairs at ten after seven. my mom's telling me that i have to go to the gym before class. it's like, i don't have too much time to go to the gym. on top of that, i'm a service clerk today, so i'm going out to get carts at least once every two hours. because i'm not the only service clerk, but i mean... i'm gettin some sort of physical activity. my arm is sore from yanking carts yesterday at least five times. so, i leave all pissed off, taking my brother to school. i'm still fuming. it's like, my dad is commanding me to leave at seven? excuse me, i'm turning 21 in less than three weeks, i don't need anyone commanding me. i do lead my own life. granted it may not be to my parents' expectations, but seriously, people.
i saw my sister and nieces over the weekend. i haven't seen my nieces since they were over during the summer. so it's been awhile.
okay, so i have to go, class is starting.
Thursday, 17 January 2013
(sad eyes follow me, but i still believe there's something left for me. so, please, come stay with me. 'cause i still believe there's something left for you and me. ~CREED)
Anyways, so, today is a work on homework day. I guess I'm just going to write here for now, and do my homework later, up in the library, after class. I can get a lot done in just an hour's time, and I'm planning on staying after class for an hour, anyhow.
As much as I would like to be home taking a nap... Right? As soon as you are done with what you need to do, you aren't as tired.
Whatever. I'm just sitting here, typing away, with not much to say. I guess I should have waited until this evening to post, but since I started one this morning, I think I should just go with it.
Omygoodness, I just read that The Wanted are releasing a music video for a song that they already have a music video. It comes out Tuesday next week. I am going to watch it as soon as I can get on it Tuesday night. I am soooo excited, because, as you all know, The Wanted is my favorite band.
Anyways, I don't know, I guess I just got really bored and started blabbing about useless things. Because that's what I do when I am bored....
Well, I am going to go, I'll post again later tonight. If something happens.
Have a good day, guys.
Wednesday, 16 January 2013
(The memory of being here with you is one I'm going to take my life through. 'Cause some days stay gold forever. ~THE WANTED)
I had a long day, and I am very glad that it is very much close to being over. I went to the gym this morning, then went to go pick up dry cleaning for my dad (who is leaving tomorrow to go to Florida for five days, isn't he lucky?), then came home for an hour and cleaned my room (which is already starting to be a mess again...) before I went to go to the bank, then to pick my brother up from school and then go to lunch with the family. And then, I came home to drop my brother off at home, got my wallet, then went to work. I worked until seven, went grocery shopping for dinner, came home, had dinner, then cleaned the kitchen.
I finally got the chance to relax after... I'm so happy that I'm relaxed now. I just have to get up for school tomorrow, and that's it for my day. :) I am so happy.
I am finally starting to be really happy. At work, anyways. I'm starting to feel accepted with some of my co-workers. Even though it's just the stock boys. There are a handful of them that are pretty cool. Kris, Syd (who's bought me champaign for New Year's), Paul, Justin (and everybody seems to agree that he and Kris look like brothers; although, since Justin recently got his hair cut, they look more like cousins now), Christian (who I've never really talked to, but seems to be taking everybody's lead, anyhow)... They are all pretty cool people, despite the fact that they are all guys. But I feel like guys aren't as bad of drama queens as girls are. It's like a group, and initiation is having Syd like you or something. I dunno, that sounds weird because Syd isn't even grocery manager or anything. I guess it's because he's been there longest.
Anyways, my point is, I feel acceptance, even though it's not the department that I work in. Every time I walk into my place of work, I mostly talk to the grocery department people (a.k.a. stock boys) and a couple of the guys in the produce department and a couple of the guys in Deli. They all know me and talk to me. Even if I don't say anything to them right away, they'll talk to me and I feel better for it. You know, happier. My day is better. And that's all I need. :)
So, I guess I am going to bed now, I am falling asleep at the keys...
I hope you guys all have a good night. :) I may or may not post tomorrow while I am in class, I haven't decided yet. If I don't, then have an amazing day tomorrow. Have an amazing weekend, if I don't post before then, either.
Tuesday, 15 January 2013
I'm sitting here in class, with the first part of my homework done. It's due in two weeks. I am going to finish it later this week, but I wanted to start is so that I knew that I knew what I was doing. If that made any sense. So, instead of doing classwork, like I'm supposed to be doing, I'm chilling and writing on my blog. Which I could be doing in my spare time.
Uh-huh, like I've been one to follow the rules down to a T. Plus, I am using my own damn computer, so I don't think it matters. I was playing Reversi and was on Facebook while the prof was lecturing in class. What else am I supposed to do when I already know what the teacher is lecturing about?
So, I'm about 4 weeks and 4 days from being 21 and 5 weeks and 4 days from my party. I am soooo excited because I've got something planned, I can (almost) legally by alcohol for myself ... or other people. Plus, I got a handful of people to come bowling with me for my birthday, so good on me.
Oh, if you couldn't figure it out, yes, I am back in school. Finally. I am sooo happy because it's finally something to do. Aside from going to work, that is. It gives me something else to do during the week. And weekends, when I don't have anything to do, I'll be doing homework. Aaahhh, it's good to be back in school... I've missed it enough.
Okay, well, class is almost over (I have fifteen minutes), but I'm thinking about leaving. The prof doesn't take attendance, so, pretty much, whenever she is done lecturing, I can leave whenever I feel like it. I need to hang around when she lectures, so that I know what I am doing. Sounds like a plan. I get what I need from the prof to do the work and I can spend the rest of class doing whatever (including homework).
Anyways, I'm happy right now. At least, I think I am... I'm trying to think through the fog in my head, and it's not working out too well. Maybe I should get mor sleep. *rolls eyes*
Okay, so, I am going to go, I've got to go to the bank and get some gas. I hope you guys have a good day and good rest of the week!
Tuesday, 1 January 2013
I feel safe
While I dream
I am happy
While I dance on moonbeams
I am happy
Dancing in the stars
Nothing can go wrong
Here, I don't have any scars
I am taken away
While I dream
I am blown away
By all the moonbeams
I have never felt so breathless
My heart hasn't stopped this much
Nothing here is haunting me
Not even a negative touch
All day, I dream about your touch
But all night, I can have it
In my dreams
Nothing can stop it
I can have all the good
I want at night
Even though I can't have it during the day
But here, nothing can bite