i'm feeling good today. which really is surprising. that friend that i had drama with? well, we finally started talking again and sorted our sh*t out. i guess now we're starting from scratch, starting from square one. which is a good place to start, because at least now, we've got a better understanding of each other. so, maybe this time something will go right. (knock on wood, right?) plus, i don't work today, which is unusual. i gave my hours to someone else today because she was complaining about her hours getting cut.
it's supposed to get cooler next week (yes, i've already explained this. today is the last day of the week. don't knock it.). UGH. i'm not a fan of cold weather, especially with my allergies being in such a funk. but i'll deal with it when it comes.
anyways, last night was horrible. there was so much stress that i almost puked on myself. so much stress and drama. that hag got me all stressed out for something that i thought i had done right. but, according to hag from h*ll, i didn't do it right, because i'm "not a manager." well, okay, how about you step in my shoes and try to figure out how to deal with that kind of shit through my eyes, hmm?
i don't know. i was always just about ready to walk out last night. it took everything i had (which, granted, wasn't much to begin with) to stay there and keep my damn job. but i guess what i had was just enough to get me through the night because i still have my job. take that, hag!
right now, i'm just killing time before i go to church. my grandmother is getting ready. i'm already ready. i'm just sitting around, waiting for her to tell me that we can go. but right now, i think that it's a good thing that i have some time on my hands. i think that now i've sorted out one part of my life, i can move onto another part.
like aforemention guy. i don't know what to do about that. friday night we hung out and ... it got kind of mushy (not going into detail, because i'm not that kind of person). and he gave me this look that i know i've seen before on at least on other boy. it was that look. i got uncomfortable and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. that was what made me tell him i needed to give myself some room. because i don't think i could take it. i don't know if that makes any sense, but to me, that makes every kind of sense. i don't want to be looked at like that. i don't want to feel uncomfortable. if the guy that i like makes me comfortable by just being with me and being the guy that i fell for, then that's all i need.
okay, i'm just babbling about something that i should be able to figure out myself. but whatever. i feel like between now and saturday, i should be okay. because i don't work with him today and i've got until saturday to figure this sh*t out. i hope i can, at least.
anyways, i hope that this week isn't too stressful. my dad thinks he's staying home this week (uh, stressful in and of itself) and i don't know if that will be a big stresser or not. he's been gone every week but weekends for the past 5 or 6 weeks at least. so i guess having him home for just one week can't be too bad. i hope.
i have no plans today except for going to church. maybe i can write. or try to find someone to make plans with. i don't know. but today is either going to go by idyllic or stressfully. i'd rather have the former over the latter.
honestly. i think today will be the least stressful since friday. which is okay with me. because i could do without stress and drama for a day. thank you.
and once again, i've written another chapter in this journey i call life. i think it's because writing stuff out helps me figure stuff out in my head. i can see it written down, in words, somewhere and i know that somehow it will make something in my head click and it will fall into place. and to write about it here, on a blog, where other people can read and leave comments with advice or whatever (i don't know if there are any comments, i guess i have to look, right?). it makes life a little easier, i guess. because this way, i can see what's wrong and figure out how to work it out by writing about it.
okay, i'm officially signign off now.
be creative, be fun, and don't forget that where there's a problem, there's a solution.
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